Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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