I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just pee around me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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