Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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