this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
