i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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