I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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