these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
