I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
