it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
