You smell like stripper and shame
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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