i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
