Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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