I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
