I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
