Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
