so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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