hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
