I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
