don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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