And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
