I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
