you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
