I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
