i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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