i just had sex bonerless
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
