I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it glows. i had to have it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
