i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We had sex on a dog bed..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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