someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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