I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
