discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize