my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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