I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
