don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3