For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
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I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.