My nipple is on Facebook.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This can only be settled by a dance off.