We're facebook friends in real life
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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