You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator