why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.