omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?