i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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