I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
