drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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