Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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