no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
