she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
