Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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