My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
