Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We were destined to go to rehab together
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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