Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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