i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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