3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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