he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Found your dick twin last night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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