I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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