There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
