What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
