he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you had me at cake vodka
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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