haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
