i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
