i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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