Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
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You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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