Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
