Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
