So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
