Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
