I wish i was in the wii world.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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